What is it to dream a dream

As the title says, intro post because I like these more than bios (and I update them every half year or so).

Lists are good and cool and useful.

( I like lists too much )

The master list aka table of contents for fic.

Dream of the sun (Jacob/Claire anthology)

( Dream of the sun )

Fanfics

( Doctor Who/Bones/Tide Lords )

Random vignette things that don't fit anywhere presently

( One shot style stories that don't fit )

So in addition to the owl, there's a pair of woodpeckers, some doves, and a lot of chickadees that like to frequent the trees/area around the house. It's also really good running weather right now.

An aside- I don't get the new mentality re voting. Specifically the idea that voting is some...deeply personal expression of their beliefs? Voting was/is a political tool to express your views to the goverment to attempt so that you can nudge it towards your ideals. That's all it is. Voting isn't about you as a person. It really isn't. You don't vote and say 'wow, I feel good about myself because I voted'. You vote because you're trying to impress your values on the governing body, and hopefully get something done. Even if you don't like either candidate, or you think it's a lesser of two evils thing, doing something about it is a lot better than sitting back, sipping tea and going 'oh no, I'm cynical about the political system so I won't vote'.

This was brought about from having an argument with someone who didn't want to vote because he didn't feel like any of the candidates aligned with his values.

tl;dr- Vote. Even if you're like me and missed all the early voting days because of conferences and deadlines and have to get up stupid early tomorrow for it.


In other news, tomorrow, well. Tomorrow decides a lot of things. They're also filming parts of the new MacGyver at parts of school tomorrow.

And I am now done with all my classes for the semester, and I'm still alive! Hello summer break!

Post finals life has quickly gone from staring at at python scripts and trying to wrap my head around Slater determinants to this-




Yeah, reminders of the paper you haven't finished yet follow you everywhere.


On the unrelated topic of American politics- so Trump is more or less guaranteed the nomination. Not to say that Cruz was any better (he isn't), but then we have someone like Trump. I'd like to say 'haha, there's no way he'll win the general election in November' except I was also saying 'haha, there's no way he'll get the nomination without the Republican party imploding' several months ago and here we are.

On the subject of PI is trying to get one of us to TA her class (unlikely, since she has two other profs teaching) that no one wants because it's from 5:30-8:20.

Labmate to me: Oh, she won't ask you to do it.
Me: Why not?
Labmate: Because it's your first time taking the class, and you're also teaching.
Me:....What did you say? Teaching the class?
Labmate: Yeah, you didn't know? You're listed on the syllabus as a guest lecterer. You didn't actually think she could teach visualization, did you?

And lo and behold, there's my name as the instructor for the class on Sept 10. For a (graduate) class that I'm taking this fall and have never taken before, with about 30 other graduate students. Mostly biology people, so now I just have to think of how to lecture on the subject matter for three hours, which admittedly isn't hard. Except talking about it for three hours.

But seriously, what. Guest lecterer? 

In case you haven't heard, the apparent culprit for all the mass downloading by bots on AO3 a month or so ago is a site that's hosting a variety of ebooks. And by which I mean not only the published types or works, but also the type that's posted on AO3 for free. Both of which are being rehosted for profit.

Obviously, AO3/OTW is aware of it, and there's been some suggestions of how to respond if your fic has been rehosted- you can send both the site and its host Cloudflare, although I'm not actually sure how long it'll take to get a response. Especially seeing that Cloudflare hosts other sites that are very liable for copyright infringement on a much larger scale.

(My two cents- I don't have much theoretical moral ground to stand on, and I strongly suspect that if this was another run of the mill site offering ebooks for free or for profit as many other sites in existence are, I really wouldn't give it a second thought. Or a lot of other people, for that matter. But my issue here is not the typical type of infringement, but more that it's putting up work that's publicly made available for free and charging for it.)

Exactly what the title says! Or technically late, since I'm still getting used to being an hour ahead now.

The weather's been a spectacular contrast this week, since last week it was all freezing rain and snow, and it actually snowed and three days off for snow+ice! Except this week it's jumped up to the 60-70s, and I'm not complaining about how it's nice and sunny out now, but really? Weather, what's up with you.

Other than that, I've sorta kinda been around and kept meaning on posting earlier but it kind of got swallowed up in the long list of things that want my attention to get done right now (see the seven emails that are all waiting for me to send or reply to), so just a quick drive post. Not that there's really much anything interesting to talk about, or at least not yet. There might be soon, but we'll see how that falls out. Otherwise, I've been making excellent use of my Amazon Prime membership to burn through any number of shows while working! Namely, I've gotten through three seasons of Grimm, and the first season of Warehouse 13, the latter which has been on my list of things to watch for years and Myka is such a darling. And there's probably a post about shows in the works, if I remember to get around to it.

Also, a very belated hello to the new people! Which is way late, there's an introish post, and I'd like to say I'm not so absent so much but that seems to be highly variable. And because I'm just so around, here's yet another friending meme for all those inclined.


Lastly, have a meme snagged from eve11 ages ago that I've finally gotten around to doing-

1. My username is ____ because ____.
2. My journal is titled ____ because ____.
3. My subtitle is ____ because ____.
4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.
5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.


( I guess this also works as a sorta intro )

A week into December, and it finally feels like winter! By which I mean it's hovering around the 40s, which is more seasonal than 60-70s. It might've even flurried last night, if you can believe that.

Less fortunate news, one of my main computers at school died last week on account of one of my hard drives malfunctioning. IT people have had it for about a week now to see if they can't rescue them, but haven't heard anything yet. Worst case scenario, I lose a lot of stuff that was on those hard drives. Which may not be that bad, since I think most of the important stuff is backed up/on other computers, but it's really irritating to lose entire libraries of downloaded papers and all the handy miscellaneous things. Bleh.

Is it's just me but it seriously seems like there's not enough time in a day cause I try to get one thing done and next thing I know it's midnight already. Gah.

Otherwise, the holiday season is here in full, people are putting up lights/decorations, new year's almost here and more importantly, break! Related, received a gorgeous card and cookies (already gone oops) from grendelity earlier this week. Also ended up covered in glitter and snowflakes from same card. Lost Girl is back in for it's last season, which I'm kind of sad to see go. Alongside Legend of Korra, that makes for two shows on the roster finishing up for good so maybe time to go looking for new things. Also, a hello to claudiapriscus and lackadaisy! Uh, not much to say except that I basically use the same username everywhere.


Now here, have some extensive thoughts on Legend of Korra.


Not much to say for Rememberances- they made the best of a really bad situation. Mako's segment was pretty gratifying if only because everyone else called him out for that awful mess of relationships in Book 1 and 2. Bolin's segment was admittedly funny, mostly due to Varrick's spin on the story. Also, none of the other villains like Unalaq. Korra's part was pretty eh- I feel like they were trying to communicate that Korra was still struggling with coming back to civilization, her identity outside of the Avatar, etc, which they sorta kinda did but not really well?

Korra's section does make a lot more sense when you consider that it's pretty obvious that eps 8-9 were meant to be a two part arc about Korra's final steps in recovering. Which would've been really excellent, because ep 9 does feel like it was more than a little rushed.



And wrt ep 9, okay. I have a lot to say about ep 9 cause it's more or less likely the final step in Korra's journey of recovery, so yeah.

One of the difference between The Last Airbender and LoK is that TLA is more about the world, the concept of the Avatar and devoted a lot of time to building up the world, which it did a pretty spectacular job with. Since everything's been built up, Korra gets the bonus of building off that to make Legend of Korra more about Korra than anything else, and how Korra's dealing with really heavy responsibilities that come with being the Avatar (afaik, Aang only had to deal with Ozai and Yakone and those were black and white). TLA also stuck much more to the Epic Hero Story, whereas LoK has a lot more elements of what you'd find in a modern drama.

The whole point I'm getting at is that this season is taking a really good look at Korra, both in the aftermath of a lot of trauma and how she's overcoming/coming to terms with it in order to get back to being a whole person again. One thing that it's done a magnificent job with is in establishing that Korra's recovery isn't an easy or fast journey, that it won't take magical moment for everything to be alright, and it's translated into a prolonged journey for Korra to heal across the season.

Also, if anyone at all has any doubts that Korra's suffering/recovering from anything but PTSD, this ep pretty all but says it.

Anyhow.

The point of this season's been all about Korra's very real struggle to heal and move on after she's nearly died (not counting having her bending taken away/almost driven to suicide, almost letting humanity be destroyed, and having ten thousand years of previous lives destroyed). Learning to deal and move past traumatic events is hard.

So it's a pretty apt observation that no one around Korra thinks she's capable anymore, and it is a tricky place to be in. She feels ready enough to take things on, she feels like she should feel better- no matter how she paints it, she isn't there yet. She's gotten further from where she was at the start, that's true. It doesn't mean that she's back to her old self, which presents a fault in Korra's mentality. When you go through any experience, it leaves marks on you for better or worse. You're never quite the same person you were before; the larger the magnitude what you go through, the less likely you're going to come out looking like the same person you were. In the case of everything's that's happened to Korra, I don't think that there's any way she could come out as the same person, no matter how hard she tries. It's pretty apparent early on when she first tries to go back to the way she used to be after her therapy with Katara, but that turns out pretty badly.

She's spends a lot of the early parts of the season and the six months prior distancing herself from...well, herself and her role as the Avatar. Korra's basically running away and it keeps her down- see in the case of hallucination!Korra, where it's literally old!Korra vs present!Korra. She's eaten away by doubts, both internal and external, so Korra has to work to build herself back up over the season. This ep kind of works like a culmination of her journey- she's at the point where she has to confront what happened to her, even though she's been trying to do anything but that.

Aside, Tenzin's commentary/concern for Korra is kind of heartbreaking, with the idea that he feels Korra isn't really 100% back yet and wondering if she's quite up for the task. I do think his paternalistic behavior is grounded from very real concerns because he's such a mentor/parental figure for Korra that he worries she's still not doing well, might get hurt again or relapse to a point of no return. He's trying to help by giving her more time and space, but Tenzin's not always the one to know what Korra needs. It also illustrates the tricky territory that's navigated with someone's who's recovering/suffering from something that resembles depression- people from the outside (friends, parents, etc) try to help the best they can, but sometimes just end up complicating things. Which isn't to say that Tenzin and co. or anyone else in that position are at fault, only that it's something that's difficult to work through.

It isn't to say that Tenzin's attempts to help aren't useless. Katara did what she could to help with her physical therapy and started her off on the road to recovery. After that, Toph enters the picture. Toph gives Korra space to rehabilitate, insight into what's going on and guidance to confront the fact that she's afraid and motivation to finally remove the remaining mercury. Korra's friends and Tenzin provide the environment to reconnect to the wider world at large, both on a personal level and as the Avatar.

It's a slow and steady process of healing, of restitution and rebuilding, so Korra can reach point where she's able to face Zaheer. I'd be willing to say that facing Zaheer at any other point in time wouldn't have helped Korra at all- it might've been detrimental, if anything. Seeing Zaheer at this point is a logical step- it provides a way of coming to terms with her trauma/reassuring herself that he has no power anymore. And it does, sorta.

A thing to note about Zaheer- he occupies a strange space in the gallery of villains. Partly because while all of them are extremists in some way or another, he's not insane or beyond reason. He doesn't want to rule the world, gain power for himself or have a conventional personal agenda- he's got an idea of what the world should look like, and tried to go about achieving it. Whether or not that's selfish of him to attempt to enforce his worldview on others is debatable, but he does rank as the more civil/reasonable of the antagonists on the show. Also unlike Amon and Unalaq, Zaheer has the dubious honor of living past what he sets in motion to see how the world pans out. Ironically, he also spectacularly fails in achieving his goal post defeat- Amon's revolution spurred on a democratic reformation of the United Republic with representation for nonbenders, the spirit portals were left open as Unalaq wanted to usher in a new age of spirituality but Zaheer? He killed the Earth Queen, started up his utopian anarchist uprising...and then a military dictator seized power control of the Earth Kingdom. Oh, he also failed to kill Korra, lost his lover, his teammates/friends, and exposed the secret society that he belonged to.

I don't think that's Zaheer's wanted, and he's had a long three years in solitary confinement locked in a mountain to reflect, which explains his willingness to help Korra.

Of course, that doesn't mean he shouldn't be locked up in a prison in chains or isn't responsible for what's happened to Korra. He just gets the 'not nearly as much as a jerk as you could've been' award. Trust isn't forgiveness.


Korra's idea of confronting Zaheer in chains as a means to resolving her emotional and mental pain isn't a bad idea- it's pointedly cathartic. It's saying that it doesn't have power over her anymore, but saying something has no power over you is very different from dealing with it once you reach a certain point. The main problem with Korra's approach to the matter is something that Zaheer hedges on- I don't think that he's the actual problem that she's been wrestling with. Yes, Zaheer is to blame- he almost killed her, after all. Zaheer says that Korra blaming him is a crutch- there's truth to the statement. Zaheer is entirely responsible for what's happened to her and the resulting problems that plague, but she survived the attack, recovered from the physical injuries and removed the remaining poison. No matter how much she tries to tell herself, the issue she's dealing with isn't Zaheer himself- it's a fear of the unknown and dying, a belief that she's somehow lesser than what she used to be, and trying to put what's happened to her out of her mind instead of dealing with it.

It's almost impossible to move on with the present when you're stuck reliving the past, which is where Korra's been up to this point. She's still plagued by flashbacks because she hasn't dealt with the underlying fear and doubts there, and it's at that point that it becomes up to Korra to decide how far she's going to go. And it all begins with a very simple, clear cut solution- she did almost die, but she didn't. It doesn't sound like a huge mental jump, cause it isn't. What's important is that it's true and gives Korra the anchor to hold onto when she breaks through the block.

I really do like that the entire climax revolves around not forgetting about a traumatic event that's happened, but accepting it to be able to move past it. Things like that stay with you. They don't go away, they stick around, and forgetting is putting it out of mind so that they aren't really dealt with and hover in the back. It's by accepting it for what it is, you're able to take back a degree of control- you're not avoiding it anymore, you're not trying to repress it and you recognize it for what it is. You're able to move on. The act of forgetting doesn't make it go away or remove its power over you. Well, that isn't true- forgetting can help, in some cases. For Korra, it doesn't- it simply puts it into the back of her mind and nags and pulls at her and gives her a sense of security, yes. She's safe again, but it also means that she's actively unable to return to her duties and it isn't real security- she's jumpy and scared and harboring doubts and phantoms and maybe they're not readily apparent all the time, but she's effectively walking on a very thin line. What happened with Kuvira is a perfect example- she's going into a fight blind.

A lot of media tends to take the latter option to handwave why a character wouldn't really be changed by what they've gone through, why the resultant mess wouldn't be dealt with, and emphasizes the idea that to return to being whole, you have to become the person you were before the event. Except you're not. That in particular is something I think Korra's painfully aware of- she sees her mental and emotional scars as ruining her and responsible for making people doubt her. But that's entirely the point of what reliving Zaheer's attack is to point out to her- scars are not the same as injuries. Scars are what's left after the injury, and bearing them changes you. But scars are not injuries- scars are the what remains, a sign that you've made it past the injury and survived even though they stay with you. Scars are not injuries that hold you back- scars are healing, scars are a part of you and what makes you whole again after injury.

It's that realization that really lets Korra finally come to terms with the attack, and become a whole person.


tl;dr- I'M REALLY GRATIFIED AT HOW KORRA'S ARC HAS BEEN HANDLED AND I REALLY LOVE IT.

This is the first fic post I've made in over two years.

Title: The reticence of memories
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Amy Pond, Rory Williams, Eleventh Doctor
Words: 3,128
Warnings: Canonical character death mentioned.
Disclaimer: Don't own any DW stuff, etc.
Summary: Amy Pond doesn't forget anything, even if she wants to, and that good a memory isn't always good.
A/N: I started this a looonnnnggg time ago and found it halfway done cleaning out a folder last week, so I figured I should at least finish it up. Here on AO3. The spacing turned out strangely here, but I'm too lazy to try to clean it up.

( Snip snip cut )

AND I'M DONE WITH THE FIRST SEMESTER OF GRAD SCHOOL. And I'm alive, I'm back and catching up slowly, etc and etc, and this is a kind of a way to say HI I'M BACK AND DONE WITH THE SEMESTER.

Of course, I made myself sick from stress and am still recovering, my exam grades could be awful and make things very uncomfortable and complicated, I have a billion emails to read and reply to, I still have to go to the lab to work for another week and a half (I get like a week and a half of break hah) but I'M DONE WITH MY EXAMS AND IT FEELS AMAZING and I'll probably feel very differently when I'm in the lab till 9 but whatever, I'm done with one thing.